


And Two Floodlights Blinked As One

by ArteaCactus



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Season/Series 14, Rated M just in case, maybe smut?? idk, might add sabriel later who knows, why does the tag impala/bentley exist theres no fics for it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 14:01:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19725124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArteaCactus/pseuds/ArteaCactus
Summary: “I’m gonna go out on a limb here, and guess that you’re my car, personified?”-"Angel, I'm afraid my car has become an attractive man."





	And Two Floodlights Blinked As One

**Author's Note:**

> thank u to Sassy for the title .. best thing ive ever heard TBH
> 
> anyway this is a SUPER terrible crack fic in which the Impala and The Bentley turn human and date (with some background destiel/ineffable husbands- maybe sabriel? who knows)
> 
> I wasn't intending for it to be a fic at first, so the first chapter is rushed and poorly written, but I mean, to be fair its 3:30am so i feel im allowed a "get out of jail free" card
> 
> Non Beta'd

If Dean said this was the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to him, he’d be lying.

To be perfectly honest, he almost expected something like this happening long ago; his car was one of the most precious things to him, after all.

He stared at the woman in front of him, who sat in place of where his car was supposed to be. She had beautiful dark skin, curly, long black hair, and startlingly brown eyes. She wore a leather jacket over a white, torn crop top, torn black high-waisted jeans, and black leather boots; really heavy in the goth style, in Dean’s opinion. Though somehow he didn’t expect her any other way.

“I’m gonna go out on a limb here,” Dean’s words were vaguely slurred, beer in hand, “And guess that you’re my car, personified?”   
  
“Your assumption would be correct,” She replied (Dean was just gonna call her Baby), a surprising lilt to her voice that suggested a slight accent (what kind, Dean wasn’t sure). “And before you ask how, when, or why, I don’t know.”

Dean just hummed, taking in the situation (or as much as he could in his alcohol-clouded mind). 

“Well, we’ve got nothing else to do, everyone else is out, so… how’s your day?”

* * *

Castiel had seen many things in his long life. 

Creation of man. Tower of Babel. David and Goliath, Sodom and Gomorrah. Cain and Abel was a particularly striking event.

But never, ever had he seen something like  _ this _ .

“Hey Cas, Sammy.” Dean waved, sitting across from a woman Castiel had never seen before. Though Castiel knew immediately who it was; maybe because the car was missing, or because she had an embroidered license plate on the back of her jacket. “This is Baby.”

“Dean,” Sam let out a long, exhausted-sounding sigh. “Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is.”

“Do you think my car got turned into a person and now I’m havin’ a beer with her?”

“Yes.”   
  
“Hate to break it to ya, but it’s  _ exactly  _ what you think it is.”

Castiel frowned. “Dean, do you realize the implications of this? You don’t have a car, currently, because she’s apparently human now; and something, a witch or trickster, who knows, is going around changing your stuff.”

Dean nodded, “Yeah, we should really fix this, but do you have  _ any  _ idea how? Cause I’ve got nothin’.”

Sam produced what Dean liked to call a bitchface (though Castiel wasn’t sure why), an extremely unamused tone to his voice, “Dean.”

“Yeah, I know, research, whatever,” Dean grunted, pushing himself up from the cushioned chair he was reclining in, Baby following suit. She had yet to speak, seemingly content to sit back and observe. “But who the hell is gonna know what to do with this, other than the people who  _ did  _ it?”

Castiel paused, and Sam and Dean began to bicker, arguing about who to ask for help from; their voices became static in the back of his mind, until he gasped, which caught the attention of all three of them.

“I know someone.”

* * *

“Parents? I thought God was like.. All-Father, or something.”

“Technically, yes, but He couldn’t raise every angel himself,” Castiel replied, leaning against the doorway and watching Dean throw some shirts into a duffel bag. “He raised the Archangels, and the Archangels raised us. Gabriel was in charge of me, but when he was busy, my ‘adoptive parents’ took over.”

Castiel, who was, for once, completely unsure of what to do, decided they needed to take a trip to London- the angel and demon who raised him were there, far more experienced with the world and magic (Castiel was merely a soldier in Heaven, after all, he didn’t get out much). If anything, at least they’d get some trusted help on the situation, even if they didn’t know how to fix it themselves.

“So, mommy and daddy are gonna figure this thing out for us?”

“Daddy and daddy,” Castiel corrected, “And if they know how to fix it, then yes. They’re far more educated than I am, so I believe they’ll be able to at least point us in some direction, if anything.”

“Daddy and daddy?” Dean echoed, pausing his action of swiping clothes in his bag, “Wow, what are the odds.”

Castiel’s lips quirked into a sliver of a grin, “And when we see them, please, don’t go in ‘guns blazing’. My parents are of two different species; angel and demon.”

“Suddenly I don’t feel so bad about being a human and dating an angel.” Dean zipped up his bag, throwing it over his shoulder, facing Castiel. “Alright, let’s go meet the parents.”

* * *

“If two british dudes raised you, how come you don’t have an accent?”   
  
“Dean, please.”

“Alright, alright, fine, no more questions.”

Cas rolled his eyes, raising his fist and knocking on the door of the old-looking bookshop in front of them. The sign said  _ ‘closed’  _ and Dean really wasn’t expecting anyone to answer, but surprisingly, despite the fact the place  _ looked  _ empty, a voice came from inside; 

“We’re closed, please come back later!”

“I would if it weren’t urgent,” Cas called in reply, and the only response to him was the sound of someone cursing, followed by crashes and the door whipping open to reveal a bright-eyed man in the  _ ugliest  _ clothes Dean had ever seen.

“Castiel!” The man chirped, ushering them in. “And friends! Please make yourselves comfortable!”

“Dad,” Cas’ tone was unusually soft as they were pulled into the shop, the door shutting and locking once more behind them. “Where’s..?”

“Right here, Fledgling,” Came a new voice, another man, slimmer and taller than the first, came sauntering into the room. He was significantly better dressed than the first one, too. “How are you? You haven’t visited us in, oh, I don’t know,  _ over a decade _ ?”

Cas, to Dean’s amusement, looked mildly embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I was at war and then the apocalypse started again and I got a little busy..”

“Don’t scold him, Crowley, he’s an important man, very busy.” The first one (Aziraphale, Dean realized) swatted lightly at Crowley’s arm, to which the demon merely shrugged at.

“Would you dears like some tea? Oh, silly me, I haven’t even introduced us yet.” Aziraphale smiled apologetically, “I’m Aziraphale, this is Crowley.” Aziraphale gestured to Crowley, who gave a half-hearted wave over his shoulder from the table he’d meandered over to, stuffing some cookie in his face.

“I’m Dean Winchester, my brother Sam, and uhh..” Dean hesitated, unsure of how to phrase it other than to just come out and say it, “My car, Baby.”

“Oh.. oh, dear, not you too.” Aziraphale frowned, just as some new person walked in- a short, well-built man with a dark five-o-clock shadow, his long black hair was pulled back in a bun. He w ore a black dress shirt and slacks, and some fancy black shoes, and just where Baby’s was; an embroidered license plate on the back of his shirt.

Dean, Sam, and Cas exchanged similar looks of worry and at the same time, relief.

They weren’t the only ones with this problem, thankfully (or not?), but since they had seemed to have not solved it..

They might be here longer than initially expected.


End file.
